2018 – Day #1

Adam, this morning, ticking off on his fingers…
‘The last five years that have gone by ‘super fast’….2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017…. and tonight, we’ll say HELLO to 2018.’
He pauses and says:
But there are 64 more days after that until I ‘have’ to start being 14.
Me: Are you excited about being 14 bud?
Adam: Adam’s not ready to be ‘that super old yet’.
If only he knew.
Most of the time, Adam does not look that far ahead. Most of the time, with Adam, we’ve learned to not to look that far ahead. It just comes back to bite us in the behind. He will talk about it; obsess about whatever it is, until we want to stick hot pokers in our eyes.
My conversation with Adam today got me thinking.  I’ve neglected my writing for the past 10 months. Truth is, I just haven’t felt like writing. I’ve had nothing to say. I’ve had no words. In fact, this is how I would describe most of my last year. Little to say; absolutely no words. My mom’s brain tumor. The fact that the entire tumor was successfully removed. The fact that her scans were, and still are, completely clean. The complications in between. The weeks and months in the hospital and therapy. I’m so grateful. But I have no words. I don’t know it I ever will. I’ve had nothing great to say about 2017; until my conversation with Adam today. And it took me most of the day, replaying this conversation in my head, to realize it.
So here it is. Typically, one of my most favorite nights of the year. I usually love the excitement of looking ahead with hopeful anticipation to a new year; a clean slate.  I really hadn’t felt excited until now.  I know it’s because I was blindsided this year. This year reminded me that anything, both good and bad, truly can happen. Until now, my apathy could also be the fact that 2018 is slated to be full of many changes for our family. My daughter is heading off to college in the fall, Adam will be in high school.  I’m truly excited for these milestones. Excited to see what these new chapters will bring. But that’s 221 & 224 days away.
Today, I’m going to focus on the first day of 2018.
I’m sitting here tonight, by the fire, truly grateful for my conversation with Adam today, for I have now realized the good in the past year…
I was unbelievably surprised by the kindness that popped up  in very unexpected places around me.  In addition, the actions of those around me, both good and unfortunately not so good, taught me valuable lessons of how to better myself.   In addition, I learned a lot about taking things one step at a time, for most of last year, I was forced to do so.  This is absolutely not my strength. I was reminded about the importance of living in the moment, and to be grateful for progress; even if it seemed minuscule.  Never in a million years would I have predicted the events of 2017. Finally,  I was reminded to truly be grateful.
So in just a few hours, we will enter 2018. I am so thankful to Adam for reminding me, in his own way, to live in the moment. Reminding me to be present in each of the next 365 days.
And for the sake of the deep crease in the middle of my forehead, I am equally as glad that 14 is still a LONG 64 days away!
Happy New Year to all!!

 

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